The Heterosexual Command
It is axiomatic in psycho-analysis that a human being is born queer. While some of the factors that determine sexual object choice may be mysterious—namely the unconscious desire of the parent—the cultural influence for heterosexual object choice is no mystery at all but is rather loud and obvious. Heteronormativity is not normal nor any biological necessity but is rather a political mandate. This mandate is enshrined in the “man and wife” binary that orders the symbolic and structures geriatric power in the west. And yet this mandate is also a local command made by the heterosexual dad. It is typical that heterosexual dads (and sometimes moms), even while supporting gay pride and espousing a liberal and egalitarian view towards sexual preference, will find it intolerable that their own son should express femininity, as if such an expression were to concede dominance. An example from my childhood illustrates this intolerance. A curly red-haired wig appeared in the house one fall. My older sister, age 13, decided to put this wig on me and to put me in a dress, to put lipstick on me, and mascara on my eyes. I was age 9 and perfectly happy to be her doll for the afternoon. There was a lot of giggling and dancing in the mirror. I had no compunction at all whatsoever about playing in drag; of course I could be a girl; I became the little orphan Annie: “The sun will come out tomorrow!” we sang. What if I was a girl and didn’t have parents? Our dad came in from outside. One look at this scene and rage turned his face into a rictus: he could hardly speak: “There will be none of that in this house!” he shouted, gasping, his fists clenching. We did not do that again.
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